Best of 2008: Deborah Frost’s votes

By Deborah Frost

Lists are for pedants to make and for –I don’t know what you can even call anyone who actually reads them– a SUB-pedant?

If this is what editors are still ordering to be served up in daily or any other kind of publications, NO fucking WONDER they’re all hurting, if not going directly out of business. Who wants and/or needs this crap?

The only lists that should be allowed should be grocery and to-do ones. And frankly, I think the grocery list of Joe the Plumber woud be a million times more interesting than any combination of recording artistes — whether as mass as Britney or as esoteric as any smartypants can dream up just for the sake of someone thinking they actually LIKE this shit (and maybe they do, but I usually don’t want to hear it and neither do most listeners over the age of two who are perfectly capable of making up their own minds) — printed out by any rock critic in the world today or in history. And I’m talkin bout writers who once ACTUALLY had SOMETHING 2 say.

A few suggestions for the New York Times (a rant)

By Deborah Frost

Yesterday, Saudi Arabia, today Santa Monica!

You know what no one really wants to say– the subtext of all this mishegoss, if you will– is that there IS no news that is fit to print! It would probably make more sense– from the business cost-effective side, anyway– for the Times to shut down all the printing presses (they’re so un-GREEN, anyway) & they can sell the spots where recycled paper would ordinarily stack up before being shipped to China to all the unsold Mercedes (not to mention private jets) that desperately need parking, they can bring back all reporters from places you get blown up or shot at (which no one likes, anyway– and as it is, you have a better chance at looking at the big johnsons in some locker room than going where it’s too dangerous to actually report any story) and put them all to work as salespeople when they turn that big Renzo Piano building into a nice showroom for the Isaac Mizrahi signature handbags and other chazerai they’re so busy selling!

As for me, MY new career is going to be as a LIFE COACH giving seminars to writers (of course the music critics will all get first dibs, given my own special bias and old times’ sake)
teaching and re-training them with necessary life skills–like how chic French ladies might prefer knots tied in their Mizrahi designer scarves!! I may also have a sideline as a business consultant if I don’t give away all of my great ideas for free right here this minute — like, as soon as those orange bags that, from the insert the other day which I was so PRIVILEGED to see, given that I may eventually be the last remaining girl in New York to still have that rag delivered to my doorstep (nostalgia being high up there among my many hobbies)…Anyway, when that LIMITED edition of 600 is snapped up or carted directly off to Costco-if not the sidewalk of Times Sq– they should call up Tommy Hilfiger and/or Ralph–they can probably give them all a nice break on ad pages, too-in return for all the free crap– and have them translate THEIR visions, or whatever it is they have when they approve the designs people who can actually draw then have whipped up in 3rd world factories into Times-logo’d chatchkys.

Frankly, I’m DYING to know what a NY Times– or Village Voice, for that matter– designer perfume might possibly smell like– and if there is ANY justice in the world, I will hopefully be able to spritz some on myself and/or my loved ones in time 4 Xmas!!

Legendary rock music critic Deborah Frost is the leader of the Brain Surgeons.