Put The Runaways in the Hall of Fame

In honor of our newest blogger Cherie Currie, we’re reminding you to put her old band The Runaways in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame:

Sign the petition!

A few suggestions for the New York Times (a rant)

By Deborah Frost

Yesterday, Saudi Arabia, today Santa Monica!

You know what no one really wants to say– the subtext of all this mishegoss, if you will– is that there IS no news that is fit to print! It would probably make more sense– from the business cost-effective side, anyway– for the Times to shut down all the printing presses (they’re so un-GREEN, anyway) & they can sell the spots where recycled paper would ordinarily stack up before being shipped to China to all the unsold Mercedes (not to mention private jets) that desperately need parking, they can bring back all reporters from places you get blown up or shot at (which no one likes, anyway– and as it is, you have a better chance at looking at the big johnsons in some locker room than going where it’s too dangerous to actually report any story) and put them all to work as salespeople when they turn that big Renzo Piano building into a nice showroom for the Isaac Mizrahi signature handbags and other chazerai they’re so busy selling!

As for me, MY new career is going to be as a LIFE COACH giving seminars to writers (of course the music critics will all get first dibs, given my own special bias and old times’ sake)
teaching and re-training them with necessary life skills–like how chic French ladies might prefer knots tied in their Mizrahi designer scarves!! I may also have a sideline as a business consultant if I don’t give away all of my great ideas for free right here this minute — like, as soon as those orange bags that, from the insert the other day which I was so PRIVILEGED to see, given that I may eventually be the last remaining girl in New York to still have that rag delivered to my doorstep (nostalgia being high up there among my many hobbies)…Anyway, when that LIMITED edition of 600 is snapped up or carted directly off to Costco-if not the sidewalk of Times Sq– they should call up Tommy Hilfiger and/or Ralph–they can probably give them all a nice break on ad pages, too-in return for all the free crap– and have them translate THEIR visions, or whatever it is they have when they approve the designs people who can actually draw then have whipped up in 3rd world factories into Times-logo’d chatchkys.

Frankly, I’m DYING to know what a NY Times– or Village Voice, for that matter– designer perfume might possibly smell like– and if there is ANY justice in the world, I will hopefully be able to spritz some on myself and/or my loved ones in time 4 Xmas!!

Legendary rock music critic Deborah Frost is the leader of the Brain Surgeons.

New Clash book just in time for the holidays

By Gina Vivinetto

Just in time for the holidays, aging punk rockers (and newbies who wanna know) can buy each other this big, fat coffee table book about The Clash, pioneers of British punk rock and one of the most intelligent, socially conscious bands of all time. Not to mention a band unparalleled in its musical adventurousness. Reggae beats? Dub? British white boys rapping? Why the hell not?

The best part is the tome was put together by the band itself – which is a marvel considering ol’ dead Joe Strummer ascended to heaven in ’02.

The book includes tons of images from the official Clash archives like tour posters, never-before-seen photos, and artwork. The band’s history is told by the members themselves in a collection of interviews. And yes, Strummer’s voice is all over it. It would not be a Clash book without him.

When should women stop performing?

By Gina Vivinetto

“Is it harder for women in the industry in general? Definitely. I was trying to make a case for Madonna the other day, saying that she’s to be admired for her longevity in a genre that has mostly been for younger acts. Men are able to sustain a career into their 50s and 60s and still present themselves as sex symbols. With women on the other hand, people say, ‘Why doesn’t she retire?’ It’s just so unfair. So I have to give props to Madonna.”

– folk singer Tracy Chapman in The Guardian.

Amen, Tracy. This is a subject that fascinates my friends (including many gay boys) and me. Why do people say Madonna, at 50, is too old to be a pop star? Is the cut-off age different for a woman? Look at 65-year-old Mick Jagger, 67-year-old Bob Dylan, and 61-year-old Elton John. All of those guys are admired for continuing to make music and tour.

Madonna’s vilianized for it.

I once read a review (written by a man) of a No Doubt show that suggested Gwen Stefani at 35 (when this was written), was too old to sing “Just A Girl.”

Have men also determined the age when a woman can no longer identify herself as a girl?

Does it go both ways?

Should Roger Daltrey no longer sing “I’m A Boy”? He dusts of his creaky old bones every few years and tours. Should we tell him to stop? He’s 64.

This notion, that it’s embarrassing for older women to continue to perform and make music, is so ingrained in our culture. I can’t tell you how many comments I’ve heard about how “gross” Madonna is for continuing to package herself as a sex symbol now that she’s hit the big 5-0.

Which is funny, because she looks like she could be Mick Jagger’s daughter. Not that it should matter.

You got an opinion on this?

Flush the word turds, babe

By JG

Eleven years ago, I landed a fun job as a copy editor for an alt-newsweekly.

It was at that fun little indie paper, which later became an un-fun corporate-owned paper, that I began writing about music.

When I was a newbie, the music editor at the time farmed out CD reviews. He was very confident in his abilities and had no qualms about making my words sound like his. To make matters worse, he pigeonholed me as the “middle of the road indie-alternative girl” — basically, I was stuck reviewing the boring bands no one else wanted to tackle.

I will say that he helped me tighten up my writing and expand my knowledge base, but he also instilled very annoying music critic-ese that make me feel uncomfortable with myself. It was almost like I had to shower after a deadline sometimes.

I internalized his voice. I started using words like “conjured.” I still catch myself using that stupid word. It’s so Goth-geeky. Really, now. “conjure.” It reeks of stale patchouli and Wiccan B.O.

So, the goal is to establish a Word Turd Fund. We’d set up a PayPal account, and if you as a music writer — whether you’re blogging or submitting a full-length feature to Magnet — catch yourself using certain forbidden foppish, obtuse and hackneyed words or constructions, you should have to contribute to the Word Turd Fund.

A music review should read like a recommendation from your fun-as-shit, smart-as-shit and well-meaning friend.

Playing CAPTCHA with folks’ heads ain’t no way to go about it, and we’re going to start getting our laxatives out fortwith … wait, is that one? Oops, I let a squeaker out.

Here’s a start:

Invoke: Like “conjure,” this word should never be used unless you’re joking about demons or John Edward.

Fuck your verbose anecdotal lead: Who are you impressing with that story about an old bluesman who took a piss next to Johnny Cash? Who, huh? If we wanted a history lesson, we’d watch American Experience on PBS. Most people don’t want to read the first bit of opinion four paragraphs in. We have munchies waiting in the fridge, and they aren’t going to microwave themselves!

Everyone’s been introduced: So, please, for the love of Jesus Lizard, stop telling us about the time so and so meets so and so. Saying T-Rex meets T-Pain meets Tammy Wynette doesn’t say a whole hell a lot about a band’s true artistic vision. It’s a lazy shortcut … though I’m suddenly intrigued by my fictitious construct. … Anyway, regardless, this is a hard one, I know. We’ve all been guilty of it, but *breathe* reword.

Conjunctive-itis: Please stop with the fancy coordinating conjunctions like “hence,” “thusly” and other linkage hooha.

TRANS-rendered: People really get bored with using practical bread-and-butter verbs, so they will employ a nifty action word implying change or movement. Often, those words begin with the prefix “Trans” — like “transcend” or “transport.” I just read “transmute.” What the fuck. I’m not really sure what that means. I can kinda guess. … Is that a three-way involving the speech-impaired?

Elvis Costello’s talk show debuts next week

By Gina Vivinetto

Former angry young man Elvis Costello will debut his new one-hour talk show Spectacle: Elvis Costello with… on the Sundance channel December 3. I know, it’s hilarious to picture Elvis chatting up famous rock stars. Take it from someone who’s interviewed him: Elvis is an effin’ mumbler.

Mr. Costello’s first guest will be Sir Elton John, who also serves as the program’s executive producer. The projected schedule of guests:

12/3: Elton John
12/10: Lou Reed + Julian Schnabel
12/17: Bill Clinton
12/24: James Taylor
12/31: Tony Bennett
1/7: The Police
1/14: Rufus Wainwright
1/21: Kris Kristofferson, Rosanne Cash, Norah Jones, John Mellencamp
1/28: Renée Fleming
2/4: Herbie Hancock
2/11: She & Him, Jenny Lewis, Jakob Dylan
2/18: Diana Krall
2/25: Smokey Robinson

Here’s hoping keyboardist Herbie Hancock doesn’t remind Elvis (and his audience) of that famously off-the-cuff and off-color comment Elvis made years ago about Ray Charles being “a blind ignorant n*****.”

Indie rockers on ‘Pete & Pete’

By Gina Vivinetto

I ain’t gonna front: I lifted this right off the fab blog Gaytriarchy, whose resident homo made a delightful video of all the indie rock and hipster celebrity cameos on Nickelodeon’s brilliant The Advenutires of Pete & Pete. Look for Iggy Pop, Juliana Hatfield (as the Lunch Lady, remember?), mail carrier Ann Magnuson, Debbie Harry, Janeane Garofalo and Patty Hearst, among others.

Big bonus points for those of you who can spot the rest of the stars:

Okay, so tell us, who did you spot?

Carrie Brownstein: Wii Music kind of sucks

By Gina Vivinetto

Carrie Brownstein, former guitarist for Sleater-Kinney, reviewed Wii Music for Slate, deciding, ultimately, that the game falls short. Carrie writes:

“(T)he game doesn’t go far enough; despite exalting creativity, you still feel more like an audience member than a band member—on the sidelines, watching yourself on-screen, where it seems like you’re having more fun. The game shows you a fantastical sonic world but falls short of letting you invent your own.”

Yeah, but this is from someone who’s used to doing this:

Carrie previously reviewed Rock Band for the site, deciding it, too, was lame.

I don’t know. I think the trick with games like Wii Music and Rock Band is to suck at music in real life. If you can’t play decent guitar, you’re satisfied just making noise along to Billy Idol’s “White Wedding.” Right? Although my musical ineptitude IRL translates to my game play. The one and only time I played Rock Band, I was in a department store trying out the demo game. As soon as I started, two little kids, brother and sister, came up and watched me. I was not good. They seemed embarrassed for me. When I was finished, I turned to walk away and the little girl said, “Nice try.” Did I detect sarcasm? I had no idea I still had the capacity to be intimidated by children.

I’m sure some of the other Sweaty Bitches, with all their musical prowess, can let me know if Wii Music is less fun than actual “axe-weildin.’” Anyone?

How about you?

Get ready for Sweaty

Hello and welcome. On behalf of the Sweaty Bitches of Rock ‘N’ Roll (SBORR), we thank you for choosing our fun, decidedly non-academic forum to peruse. We know you could pick any blog and you chose us. For that we say, “Mazel tov!”

We intend to have good times here. We’re also going to pitch fits, have bitch sessions, and ridicule people.

You can join in on the hijinks by leaving comments.